Dear ***Sparkling Gay Movie**** fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast

Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods

Dear Beyonce,
Saturn, the planet, I liked it, so I put a ring on it!!
Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this!!
Sincerely, That Little Triangle @ the corner of the windsheild

Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead!!!!
Sincerely, BP

Dear Mary,
Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.
Sincerely, Joseph

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spider

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5?
Sincerely, (now) extinct Unicorns

Dear people who say they're ninja when they catch things after dropping them,
Ninjas don't drop things.
Sincerely, a ninja

Dear Lady Gaga,
It's ok. I have a st-stuttering problem too.
Sincerely, P-p-p-porky the Pig

Dear old men at the gym,
Wearing short shorts does not make your manhood look any more attractive.
Sincerely, the world

Dear Peter Pan,
Sneaking around a child's bedroom and inviting them to neverland? Been there, done that.
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear 16 and Pregnant,
Thanks for helping me feel better about my life.
Sincerely, 21 and single

Dear man in the car picking his nose,
Please realize that just because you are in your car doesn't mean you are hidden from the world.
Sincerely, I can see you

Dear skin colored band aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, black people

Dear future employer,
Please ignore those Facebook photos from college. I can explain.
Sincerely, misbehaved

Dear optimist,
That's not a light at the end of the tunnel, that's the train.
Sincerely, pessimist

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear girls making kissy faces on Myspace and Facebook, There's a reason we close our eyes when we kiss. Sincerely, boys.

Dear Cupcakes, The fact that you cover yourselves up with icing says a lot about your self-esteem. Sincerely, Muffins.

Dear Cat, Sorry for hoisting you into the air whenever 'The Circle of Life' plays. Sincerely, a Lion King enthusiast.

Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed.

Dear Icebergs,Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a **woof woof**. Sincerely,The Titanic

Dear Short People, No I dn't play basketball, do you play miniature golf? Sincerely,Tall Person