NOTES FROM THE EDGE OF LIFE

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns
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Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,
Logic
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Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a **woof woof**.

Sincerely,
The Titanic

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Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada
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Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...

Sincerely,
Google
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Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely,
1985
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Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,
BP
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Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,
Black people
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Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin
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Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies
-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol
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Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012.
Our calendars ended there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,
The Mayans
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Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
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Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up....

Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
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Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,
Elephant